A spark happens when two objects come together simultaneously. In marriage, it is that incredible feeling you receive when there is a special connection between you and your spouse and each person's desires and needs are met. Since marriage is a long-term commitment, getting the spark back in your marriage requires more than just hugging, kissing, and holding hands.
There are three common things each spouse needs from their mate: to be loved, to be needed, and to be understood. And, just like you need to have two objects to create a spark, both spouses need to align their commitment to regaining a connection for a spark to be successful.
The below will help...
1) Have a willingness to listen to and understand each other
True unity is accompanied by an undeniable bond and occurs when spouses become one with each other. This requires each person to sincerely listen, learn and understand the other's needs and desires. When your mate feels like you are committed to learning more about them and their desires, it gives them a sense of importance in the relationship. It empowers them to become greater, both personally and spiritually, and consequently, strengthens every area of your marriage. This is one of the most intimate forms of communication that fulfills one of the deepest desires in a spouse: to be understood.
2.) Fall in love with romance
Romancing goes beyond hugging and kissing. It is a unique opportunity to express love in a non-sexual, but intimate way. Romance is fulfilled when certain desires and needs are met. These needs and desires are usually what will give your spouse a sense of enjoyment and excitement. So, communicating wants and likes with each other is important. Once you know what makes your spouse happy, be creative in finding ways to realize that happiness. This can be as simple as writing a love note, cleaning a room, going to see their favorite movie, or taking time off for the day to devote time and attention to them. Remember, it is the smallest things in life that make the greatest impact.
3.) Love and appreciate the way your spouse loves you
Everyone is unique in his/her own way. When you appreciate the way your spouse shows their love and react positively, it gives them confidence and may encourage them to show more affection. When your spouse is confident, it helps them to love with transparency, which can bring about the most intimate form of connection. Every now and then, tell your spouse, "I Love the way you Love me!"
4.) Take care of yourself
Love yourself. Keep a healthy level of pride about how you dress, your health, and how you carry yourself. Exercise and maintain a healthy life style. To your spouse you are a gem, so, it is important to put your very best effort into loving you. When you love yourself, your confidence increases. When confidence increases you feel greater assurance about your body, about intimacy, about communicating, about how you feel and about how your spouse loves you.
5.) Compliment often
A compliment is priceless. Always look for opportunities to praise your spouse in every area and every stage of their life. Compliments are a simple thing that money can't buy; however, they result in having one of the greatest impacts in your relationship. Complimenting is important because it forces you to see the good in your spouse. It also shifts your way of thinking to think positive when you are around your spouse. According to Proverbs (16:24 NLT), "Kind words are like honey-sweet to the soul and healthy for the body".
6.) Don't forget to say, "I Love You"
As Gary Chapman writes in his book, entitled, The 5 Love Languages, "Actions don't always speak louder than words." Chapman goes on to say that, "Hearing the words, I love you, are important." Married couples should never allow any of life's situations to rob them of the opportunity to say "I Love You." It is important for reassurance of the love you have for each other and confirmation of the love that hasn't been lost.
7.) Break the Bedtime routine
Are your nighttime rituals just a little too predictable? If so, then why not change them? There are too many days in the year for your marriage to have the same routine day after day. Here's a tip: try placing a calendar in your bedroom, earmarking days to fulfill specific sexual desires and interests for both you and your spouse. Denote your partner's privileges and preferences with certain colors and yours with a different color or marking. Remember to keep it sweet and simple. You don't want to get too specific. Always leave room for spontaneity.
8.) Pray "Out Loud" together
Always pray together, but do it out loud. Let your spouse hear how you desire for God to bless them. This is an intimate way for you to openly express how thankful to God you are for your mate, and also to let God know how much you appreciate Him bringing you both together. "For where two or three come to together in my name, there am I with them" (Matt. 18:20 NIV). There is no closer way to be together, than together in the presence of God.
These eight tips are just beginning ideas for re-igniting the flames in a marriage. Remember, it is up to you on how you commit to romanticizing your marriage. By focusing on these tips and other alternative options, you'll soon be on your way to making a stronger, fresher, and an even more pleasurable love connection in the bedroom with your covenant partner.
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